I get the ‘black hearts’ part, but why ‘party’?
Webster’s dictionary defines ‘party’ as ‘a person or group taking one side of a question or dispute’, ‘a participant’, ‘a group of persons organized for the purposes of dictating policy’, or ‘an act of sexual intercourse’. Take your pick.

Isn’t there an actual party called the Black Hearts Party?
Well it’s more like the answer to the question: ‘What has eight hundred legs, wears black, gets really drunk, and plays with itself’, but yes there is, and it has its own FAQ page.

Who writes this stuff?
We do.

Can I write stuff too?
Sure, but the pay is terrible. Contact us here.

I have problems with, like, love and stuff. Can you help me?
Nobody can help you. Well, maybe Ethel can. Try her.

Who the fuck are you people?
You can read all you would ever want to know about us folks right here.

And just what exactly is wrong with you?
Suffice it to say, we’ve got some problems. Especially with sappy happy hipsters from Hallmark, USA.

You must have an awful lot of spare time to sit around producing this crap. How do you do it?
One can only spend so much time masturbating.

Have you considered investing more time in dating?
Isn't that basically like masturbating but more expensive?

Would you like the name of a good therapist?
Actually we already have one. His name is Johnnie Walker.

Still got a question?