Too obvious to rank higher, but too seminal to omit. From this curdled seed sprang a hundred million bitter fruits on the Tree of Despondency, one for each and every member of Generations X, Y and Zed.

Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra
and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath.
At night, the ice weasels come.

For anyone who has ever ended a relationship while traveling far from home and then had to endure the awkward trip back together. While sitting next to someone who wants to talk. About her stupid fucking bird. And how wonderful marriage is.

Some good ol’ timey fuck you hoo-now shit yeah.

She’s pregnant with the hot, sweet guy’s baby but she marries the rich guy, for Christ’s sake! And that’s it... Wha...?

If you've ever discovered that the woman for whom you sacrificed your career may not in fact be a terrorist, then got abducted from having sex so you could be tortured to death by your best friend, then this is the movie for you.

The lyrics from this Kiss Me Kate number speak for themselves...

So taunt me, and hurt me,
Deceive me, desert me,
I’m yours till I die,
So in love with you am I.

No one can possibly summarize this heap of foul intentions better than Ann Magnuson does: "Hey! It's FUN to be a prostitute! I can't wait to spread my legs across Hollywood Boulevard, because then maybe some rich, handsome billionaire in a Jag will come driving up and take me shopping on Rodeo Drive, and that's what a woman's all about anyway, right? Sucking, and shopping, sucking, and shopping -- come on, it's a singalong!! -- sucking, and shopping..."

That song that your cousin’s fiance sang when he proposed during a candlelit picnic on the beach? That’s going to be their wedding song? Dude, it’s about fucking STALKING!

Since you’ve gone I been lost without a trace
I dream at night I can only see your face
I look around but it’s you I can’t replace
I feel so cold and I long for your embrace
I keep crying baby, baby, please...

A poem about the resilience of trees and the mush rot of marriage:

...the accusations turning truths in the not-loving,
green ash, red maple, black gum, I prayed,
in the never-been-faithful, in the don’t-touch-me,
in the can’t-bear-it-any-longer,
black gum, black gum, black gum.

Boy meets girl. Boy and girl fall in love. Boy stages various hideously gory suicide tableaus to frighten off computer dates arranged by his wealthy, detached mother. Girl gives herself deliciously tragic birthday present.
PS. Boy is a teenager and Girl is an octogenarian.

Oh, Matty, you dear, poor, pathetic boy. We’ve all been there - that moment we realize our true love can no longer see how we matter in this world, and yes, sometimes when you love someone, you need to set them free, but still, you are kind of a huge pussy...

But you don't love me, you don't love me
You can't see how I matter in this world
Even though I loved you
You can't believe that
You think that leaving
Is what will make you happy
Then I guess it's okay, I think it's okay
If you go away

It spawned a host of imitators but this original is still our favorite romantic comedy. If only all of Meg Ryan's and Julia Roberts’ movies had the same ending.

Your lover wants to be with you forever, but must return to her husband. What d'ya do?
According to Browning's make-a-wish foundation, here's what you do...

That moment she was mine, mine, fair,
Perfectly pure and good: I found
A thing to do, and all her hair
In one long yellow string I wound
Three times her little throat around,
And strangled her...

Where I'm going, you can't follow. What I've got to do, you can't be any part of. Ilsa, I'm no good at being noble, but it doesn't take much to see that the problems of three little people don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world.

Oh Rick, you make breaking the ladies' hearts so sexy…

I wish I hadn't bought you dinner
Right before you dumped me on your front porch…
Give me my money back, you bitch
I want my money back
And don't forget to give me back my black t-shirt

How many times have we said those exact words; too bad they won't fit on a t-shirt.